Skin Epilogue
by Rouch
Summary: How "Skin" should have ended. Not a Carby, but there is CarterAbby Friendship.
1. Part I

So TPTB own ER but they were not responsible enough to provide the viewers with the aftermath that we love so much… so here is my take on how the episode should have ended…

Skin – Epilogue

Abby stood there, not sure she believed what just happened to her. Her arms hung lifeless at her sides. They hurt. The human body was not made to perform CPR for extended periods of time. She looked at the ER entrance, 'Safety', was all she could think. She hesitated a minute. She did not want to face the questions. 'What was everything thinking in there?' She had walked out of the ER angry at Susan, she never asked about the renal patient, and did not even try to defend her. That ticked her off more than the reviewing of all her charts, a good leader looks out for their people, and gets all the facts first. That seemed like a life time ago that that all happened, and it all seemed so petty now. The indecision about where to go left her when she started feeling the effects of shock begin. It was cold outside, but her shaking had nothing to do with that. She started to get tunnel vision, and she needed to get inside before she passed out in the street. She took a step unsure of herself, and then ran for safety.

The sliding doors seemed to understand her urgency as she did not even have to break her pace for them. Once inside she stopped abruptly. She did it, she was inside, but her legs would not move another step. She leaned heavily against the glass next to the door, and closed her eyes. She opened them when she heard her name. She saw Susan; she looked worried, not mad.

Susan was standing at the admit desk, looked up from her chart briefly and saw her. "Oh, God" she whispered drawing Carter's attention. "Abby!" She dropped her chart and ran to her missing intern. "Get a gurney!" She called out as she ran, and felt Carter right behind her. The sudden activity seemed to startle Abby. Susan stopped her breakneck pace to a hurried walk the rest of the way. She looked into her friend's eyes, they were watery with unshed tears, and her pupils were dilated. Susan put a hand on Abby's shoulder to comfort her, but she flinched, causing her to cringe in pain. She was going into shock, hurt and covered in blood. She spoke softly, "Abby, is any of this blood yours?"

The gurney was brought by an unknown nurse, when he spoke, his deep voice caused Abby to attempt to push herself further away, but the pressure from the glass on her shoulders caused her to wince again. Carter watched this reaction with anger and concern. She had been hurt by a man, and his mind began to imagine the possible scenarios. "Abby," he began, testing her reaction to his voice, she made eye contact, but made no movement, panicked or otherwise, and he was going to take what he could get. He knew Abby, and wanted to make what was going to happen next up to her. "Abby can you walk?"

Abby felt so exposed. She didn't see the nurse that spoke, his voice didn't even sound like either of the gang members, but it was an unfamiliar male voice. Then she heard Carter. He hadn't said her name like that in a long time. She blinked and tried to focus on him. Walk? She doubted it, and she was sure both doctors in front of her knew that was not going to happen, but was grateful for his approach. She pushed off the glass and tried to stand but her knees buckled. Both Susan and John grabbed her around the biceps to steady her, but the pressure caused pain to shoot up and down her punished arms. Tears formed and she bit her lip as a cry escaped her.

Susan almost cried as she watched the reactions of her friend. She insanely thought of how she could delete the messages she left on her phone. She was covered in blood, afraid of men, in shock, and crying out in pain at the slightest touch. She did not want to let go of her arm, because she was sure she and John were the only thing keeping her from falling. She looked at John. His anguish was clearly evident.

Carter acted quickly. He bent slightly and lifted Abby gently. He felt her stiffen, and then suddenly relax. At first he was concerned that she had lost consciousness because of the suddenness of her reaction. He looked down, her hand had a loose hold of his scrubs, her hands were crusted with blood, and she was crying openly, but silently.

Abby first reaction to John's movements was to protest, but she needed to feel safe and welcomed the feeling. His arms held her securely, still she grabbed his scrubs. In her life she had never felt so safe, and she knew that was because in her life she had never felt so scared, and she began to cry.

Susan ran ahead of Carter to trauma room one. Abby wasn't a trauma patient, but Susan wanted to give her as much privacy and safety she could find. She rushed passed the sea of concerned faces that had gathered as the word spread that the missing intern thought to have walked off the shift was standing in the ER full of blood, and not talking. "Neela, get a new set of scrubs, everyone else get back to your patients."

Carter walked through the two way doors, and leaned over to put her on the exam table while Susan pulled a screen in front of the windowed doors. She turned around and Carter was already positioning the X-ray machine.

Neela walked in as he was pulling the films out of the machine to examine them. She handed the green scrubs to her boss and looked on. For the first time in her life she was more concerned with comforting the person in the bed then trying to determine what was wrong with them. Susan walked over to look at the film as Neela made her way to Abby. She took her hand, and placed the other on her friend's forehead smoothing back her hair. She picked up a few of the words spoken behind her—"stress fractures…both ulnas…right radius…her wrist…look at the scapulas…"—as they spoke she looked at Abby's wrist and forearm, they were both showing bruising. Neela nodded and began to put the pieces together, "Prolonged CPR." She said out loud, Abby looked at her in fear confirming her diagnosis, and the doctors behind her stopped and turned to the intern.

Carter looked at Abby who had closed her eyes and began to sob for the first time. He tried to imagine what had happened. He walked over to the gurney as Neela made room for him. Then everything clicked. The traumas they had received and she went missing around the same time. "God, Abby, the gang war?" All she could do was nod.

Susan finished the thought for them all, "They needed a doctor."

Carter pulled Abby up to a sitting position and sat on the gurney so he could hold her. She was limp and fell into his arms. "Ok, you're ok now. You're safe. Abby, I'm sorry, you're safe now." He continued to comfort her as Susan pulled Neela aside.

"Ok, let's assume she was exposed to HIV and get her on ZDV and 3TC, there isn't much we can do about the stress fractures except painkillers, but we need to assess the damage done to her muscles and soft tissue…" Susan closed her eyes and whispered softly as she thought about her next words. "We should think about a rape kit too."

Neela had been nodding up until that point. She looked from Susan to Abby. Carter had clearly heard, but Neela doubted Abby was listening. "Should we call the police?"

Susan shook her head, "No, let's take this all one step at a time and let Abby decide if she wants to do that." She walked over to Abby, and Neela left to a take care of her orders.

John had not broken eye contact with the blonde since she suggested the rape kit. He couldn't ask her, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Susan understood and placed her hand on the back of Abby's head, stroking her hair. "Abby, do we need to do a rape kit?" Susan felt a sense of déjà vu, when Abby had been attacked by her neighbor she had lost consciousness and was unsure if she had been raped. This time Abby had no head injuries. If she had been raped she was conscious for all of it.

Abby pulled away from John, she wiped her eyes, "No," she whispered, "I thought…I thought they were going to…" She began to cry again as the fear returned. When they pulled into the forest reserve she was positive that was going to happen.

Susan was relieved, "Ok, it's ok now. I want to get you out of those scrubs, and cleaned up."

Carter leaned her back on the gurney, and propped it up so she was upright. Abby shifted so she could take her shirt off, but was stopped by John. "Let's cut them off." She nodded and was grateful, lifting her arms up was going to be a painful task. Abby leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She felt John and Susan cleaning the blood from her skin, and allowed their presence on either side of her provide the sense of safety she had been looking for. Exhaustion soon took over she and she allowed the blackness of sleep to ascend.


	2. Part II

Author's Note: I was not planning on additional chapters for this story, but so many of you asked for it I felt responsible to write it. I'll try to cover everything that happened between "Skin" and "Only Connect".

Part II:

Carter gently put the IV in Abby's hand. She was shaking violently in her sleep, and her vitals were all over the board. He wanted to sedate her before Susan changed her clothes. The more pain he could spare her the better he would feel.

Susan walked in with a vial in her hand. "Are you sure we should sedate her?" As friends it was becoming increasingly difficult to stay objective. They knew they should at least talk to a social worker to find out the best way to proceed with the emotional fallout that was to come, but they wanted to protect her now because they couldn't when she was taken.

Carter prepped the syringe, and Abby's eyes flutter open, the fear was evident. He waited for her to orientate herself to her surroundings. Susan could see the tension slowly ease but not dissipate entirely. Carter leaned in and placed his hand on top of her head. "I'm going to give you something to help you sleep, and then Susan is going to change your clothes."

Abby's hand gripped his. "Please stay. Please don't leave." She pleaded.

John's heart broke. He was never going to stop loving Abby even if their romantic relationship had ended. "It'll only be a few minutes; I thought you would be more comfortable with her…" Truth was he did not want to leave; we wanted to be in physical contact with her until he knew she was safe. He had already ordered security to be posted outside the room.

Abby smiled despite the situation, he was trying to respect her privacy, "Nothing has changed since the last time."

Carter was glad to see Abby was able to joke around, even if it was at the expense of his slight embarrassment. A smile tugged at his mouth, and he looked up at Susan. She was smirking as well, but they were both too tense tolet their guards down completely. Carter picked up the scissors and began to cut her scrub top off. Once that was removed he stopped. "I hope you didn't like this shirt."

Abby shuttered, "I doubt I would ever wear it again even if I did."

The fabric was cut away, and Susan helped Abby sit up so they could slip the remains of her uniform out from under her. As she moved Carter got a look at her abused arms. Her left side was marred by broken blood vessels, and her joints were swelling. He was trying to not look at her exposed flesh, it was true he had seen her naked many times before, but they were no longer dating and it was no longer his right. So he continued to stare at her arm, and that's when he saw it. His anger increased tenfold, "Abby."

Abby tensed. She heard the change in his tone and it scared her. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut as she repeated a mantra in her head _'It's John, he will not hurt me. He will not hurt me.'_

Susan looked over at Carter, "John," she whispered. It was a question as much as it was a reprimand for his affect on Abby. He wasn't listening, and was clearly fixated on Abby's upper arm.

Carter snapped out of his anger induced trance. "Abby," he spoke again, but this time his voice was filled with concern. For the first time he noticed her reaction, she seemed to be waiting for him to hurt her. Not only did this hurt him almost to the point of physical pain, it also seemed to confirm his fears. "Abby, I'm sorry, open your eyes."

Abby was so focused on her thoughts she did not hear him. _'It's John, he will not hurt me. He will not me.'_ "I'm not going to hurt you." His words pierced through her thoughts. Her eyes opened and focused immediately on his.

Carter never wanted to see that fear toward him in her eyes again, but he would always remember it. "Did they hurt you?" He had already asked her this question, but now, seeing the hand shaped bruises on her left arm, he questioned her response.

Abby was still feeling residual fear, and she shook her head without saying a word. Aside from waving a gun in her face, and a fear that they would hurt her, she did not recall being physically hurt in anyway. But why was John asking her this again?

Susan eased Abby back down and walked to the other side of the gurney to see what Carter was concerned about. Despite the bruising that was developing due to her stress fractures, and tissue damage, the angry purple marks of a hand stood out. She was soon very concerned that there were other injuries the Abby could not remember, or did not know aboutas a result of shock. Doing a rape kit once again entered her mind. "Abby, do you hurt anywhere else?"

Abby pulled her gaze away from Carter, and saw Susan looking at her arm. She looked down and saw the bruises. Her brain suddenly flashed back to Loose walking up to her with gun in hand and demanding that she get out of the truck. _'You don't have to do this. Please, you don't have to do this.'_ She had never begged for her life before. She had been so sure he was going to kill her, he had to drag her out and around to the driver's side of the SUV. She remembered the pain only now. Her arms had hurt from the CPR and she did not consider the painful grip he had on her. She struggled to get away, but his hold on her became intense making her comply instantly. The scene played over and over in her mind, and the fear of being shot was renewed. "Please you don't have to do this." She whispered.

The two doctors were helpless as they watched Abby relive her experience. "Susan, call Wendall." Susan nodded and walked the few feet to the in-house phone. Carter took Abby's hand trying to comfort her. "What did they do Abby?"

While Carter tried to pull Abby out of her flashback Susan talked to Wendall. "…she came in with blood on her, and in shock. We don't know what to do, she's experiencing flashbacks… Thanks, we're in trauma one." Susan rejoined Carter. "She's coming right down."

Only then did Carter remember that he was supposed to meet Wendall forty-five minutes ago, but he immediately dismissed the feelings of guilt.The only thing that mattered to him right now was Abby. Her hand had grown cold, her vitals were not looking good, and she kept repeating her plea: 'you don't have to do this.' "Damn it," he cursed at his feeling of helplessness. "Susan, get me a blanket." She ran for one, and helped wrap Abby up. Carter then disconnected her from the IV and the monitors. He picked her up effortlessly and walked out of the trauma room. Susan followed him, not sure where he was going. "Make sure the break room is cleared out." Susan ran ahead without question. The staff watched the movement with concern, and the guards moved to follow, posting themselves outside the break room. Susan held the door open, as Carter walked purposefully to the couch and sat down cradling Abby in his arms. "Abby, you're ok, you're safe. It's over." He then looked up at Susan. "It's less sterile in here; I thought this may be more comfortable surroundings for her… I'm going to take her home."

Susan nodded and looked on as Abby did seem to calm down. It was hard to tell if it was because she was in Carter's arms, the new surroundings, or just plain exhaustion. "We need to find out if she's been hurt more that we can see."

Carter nodded, but before he could respond Wendall walked in. "They said you rushed her in here?" She asked with concern, and confusion.

"She wasn't snapping out of the flashback." Carter tightened his hold on her to remind her he was there.

Wendall pulled up a chair, trying to not let situation bug her. She knew there was history between the two, but did not know the whole story. She did know they were still friends, and did't want to read too much into the closeness. She leaned in to touch Abby's shoulder to get a sense for her mental state as well as to get her attention. She then realized Abby did not have a shirt on, and was covered only by her bra and the blanket surrounding her. She looked in surprise at John, but tried not to let it bother about her. "Abby, can you hear me?"

Her only reaction was to huddle closer to Carter.

"Abby, can you tell me what happened to you?" Wendall knew she wasn't going to get much out of the scared resident, but needed to try. "John, what happened?"

Carter looked up at the blonde, and explained briefly, "She got pulled into a gang war, they needed a doctor. She has injuries from administering prolonged CPR, but she said she wasn't hurt anywhere else. We found some bruising on her upper arm, and when we asked her about it she had a flashback." Carter closed his eyes as he remembered her desperate pleas. "She kept repeating 'Please, you don't have to do this'."

Wendall listened with concern. "Were you able to figure out what she was referring to?" Carter shook his head. "Did you do a rape kit?"

Susan answered, "She said she wasn't raped. She thought they were going to but they never followed through."

"And her injuries that you did find?"

"Stress fractures and some muscle and tissue damage, all attributed to the CPR. But now we're not sure if there are other injuries." Susan continued.

Wendall took all the information in. "Okay, we won't get much out of her tonight. The best thing you can do is make her feel safe, and be there for her if she needs you. I'll want to talk to her right away tomorrow though. Have you prescribed her anything to help her sleep?"

Susan shook her head, "We were going to sedate her."

"Let her decide if that is what she wants, it's going to be very important that she feel in control over the next few hours. Are you going to admit her?" Wendall already knew the answer.

John looked up at her, "She's coming home with me… I… Wendall, I need to be there for her… it's—"

Wendall stopped him by hold up her hand, "I am the last person you should be worried about. Take care of Abby, and bring her in tomorrow." Carter nodded, and smiled in gratitude. "John, you need to make sure she comes in. She won't want to talk about it, but she has to."

Carter nodded his understanding, and Wendall stood up to leave. "Thank you." He said and then turned his attention to Susan, "Can you get my keys out of my locker and have someone bring my car into the ambulance bay? I'm going to get the new scrubs on her."

Susan took the keys and walked out with Wendall, leaving Carter alone with Abby. He looked down at her face, she was sleeping. He brushed some hair out of her eyes and placed a kiss on her forehead.

TBC...


	3. Part III

The Chapter updates have been acting strange lately… to get to a chapter that is not in the drop down menu look at the URL. The last number is the chapter number "www.fanfiction.../2/", just change that number to the chapter you are trying to access.

Part III:

Carter shifted so he could lay Abby down on the couch. The movement startled her awake. He helped her lie back and he bent down on his knees so he could be eye level with her. "How are you feeling?"

Abby pulled the blanket tighter against her, "Embarrassed."

John knew Abby well enough to not give her a pep talk. He had asked how she was feeling and wanted an honest answer from her. Knowing her, he was sure that was exactly how she was feeling. "What can I do?"

Abby looked into Carter's eyes, her instinct was to start building up her defenses. She trusted John, but she couldn't count on him. He was interested in Wendall, and even if he helped her through the night, she was going to have a lot of nights on her own. "No, I just want to change and go home."

He didn't even try to hide the hurt in his eyes. "Abby, I know you want to be strong, but let me help you. Susan is bringing my Jeep around and you can stay in one of the guest bedrooms tonight."

"What, and stay there until I feel safe," Abby started to cry as she realized just how scared of being alone she was.

"You can stay with me as long as you need to." He answered sincerely.

"I don't know if I will ever feel safe again." She admitted.

John took her hand, "That's ok, I could use a roommate."

She laughed as she wiped her eyes, "I think that may hinder your social life."

"Ok, I could use a new maid." He knew when she smiled that he won this round. "Do you need help changing?"

Abby tried to push herself up, but found her arms could not support any weight. John supported her back, and helped her sit up. "Take it slow. You have four stress fractures." She stared at him, and he soon realized they had never talked to her about her injuries. He just assumed that she had over heard them. "We'll talk about it once you get settled."

Abby felt helpless as she let John slip the shirt over her head and gently lift her arms through the sleeves. He looked in her eyes, silently asking if she was ready to stand, she nodded, and Carter wrapped his arm around her waste and pulled her up with ease. She tested her balance by gently pushing away. When they were both sure she was standing on her own, he moved back to give her room. Abby searched for the draw string and started to untie her pants. _'Drop 'em and go'_. She stiffened, and dropped the material as if it burned her. The helplessness and embarrassment she was feeling soon turned to humiliation as she flashed back to the forest reserve.

John sensed the change but was unsure what caused it. "Abby?" Her head was down and he leaned back trying to look into her eyes. He brought his hands up to the draw string, but Abby backed quickly away. Her head shot up and looked at John, but quickly lowered her eyes. "Abby, tell me what's wrong." He was sure she was remembering something, but he was afraid to find out what it was.

"It's nothing." She hated how humiliated they had made her feel, not to mention the fact that she was sure taking her pants off in an isolated area was only going to encourage them to act.

John took a step closer with his hands out, palms up, trying to be as non-threatening as possible. She was avoiding his eyes, but was not trying to get away from him. He cupped her chin with his hand gently lifting her head, trying to get eye contact. Once he got it, the tears that she was holding back started to fall. "Come here," he drew into a hug, and let her cry.

"I tried to get away," she admitted as she turned her head to the side, resting it on his chest.

He prepared himself for the worst, and brought his hand up to stroke her hair while the other held her tightly against him.

"I saw a gas station, and told them I had to go to the bathroom. I figured if there were people around they wouldn't chase me if I ran, but they didn't stop at the gas station. They pulled into one of the forest reserves. It was so dark, and deserted…" She paused, and John wished he could see her face. "When he opened the door, and I saw the gun, I tried to convince them I was ok, and I didn't have to go… he made me get out and go in front of him. I thought… I thought…"

"Shh, it's ok, it's over now, and he didn't touch you." She was silent, and he needed to know. "Did he touch you?"

"No! No, I was…it was so humiliating, and I was so scared." It felt good to finally start talking, but at the same time she was ashamed. John continued to hug her, letting her know she was safe.

* * *

Susan pulled the Jeep into the ambulance bay, and kept it running as she got out to give it time to warm up. Neela met her at the sliding doors. "Carter is taking her to our apartment?"

Susan shook her head, "No, to his house. It has security, and he thinks she'll feel safer there."

"How is she?" Neela was concerned, but at the same time had no idea how to help her friend.

Susan shrugged as she knocked on the break room door, "Not good. I'm concerned there are more injuries than we found. There is definitely a lot more to the story." She looked to the guards, "Can you move to the ambulance bay and make sure it's safe?" They nodded seriously and moved purposefully. Susan opened the door a crack but did not look in, "John?"

He called out, "Come in."

Susan walked in with Neela behind her. Carter was still hugging Abby, she had a new scrub top on, but the pants were still stained with blood. "The jeep is running, and waiting…"

He reluctantly released Abby so he could grab his coat and wrap it around her. "Ready?" He asked as he zipped the coat up, and supported her at her waist from the side so they could walk out. Abby instinctive drew herself closer, she was not ready to face the concerned faces that would greet her once she left the sanctuary of the break room, but she was ready to put the day behind her.

Susan and Neela cleared the way as John protected her with his body. Abby hid her face in his shirt, and only knew they were outside once she felt the cold air. She looked up, and realized where she was. Her feet stopped, causing John to almost loose his grip on her. He faced her. He was learning her reactions, and soon realized something had caused her to have another flashback. He looked around, and then it dawned on him, "Damn it." He picked her up and moved her quickly to the car, "This is where they took her." He explained to Susan and Neela. She wasn't talking, but she was shaking violently. "We're leaving, Abby, just hang on." He gently placed her in the back seat, and wrapped a blanket around her. Once he closed the door he turned to Susan.

"I've already rearranged the schedule, so you take as much time off as you need to be with Abby." Susan told him as looked over at Abby through the windshield. "Call me if there is anything you need at all."

Neela added, "If she wants anything from home, give me a call and I will bring it over."

John thanked them both and ran to the Jeep. He needed to get her out of the ambulance bay as quickly as he could.

TBC…


	4. Part IV

All the reviews have been very nice, and I appreciate them.

Nicola and striker20 you may want to read the last few paragraphs of chapter three… I had some upload issues and uploaded the wrong document. There was a very minor change, but a change none the less thanks to some last minute inspiration from Bobbyboots.

Lillian… I really appreciate your enthusiasm! I'm in training down at Maxwell AFB, but have some free time a little bit everyday. If you want to send me your email address to my hotmail account check my profile. (I've tried to upload documents with URLs and email addresses in them, but it does not work.) I'll keep you updated on the updates : ), that way you don't have to keep checking everyday!

All that being said I apologize for small typos, I usually proof read the stories a little more… anyone interested in beta reading? I just don't have the time to really spend on proof reading like I usually do.

Enough of that, on to…

Part IV

John drove in silence to his house. He wanted to hear Abby if she made any noise at all. The good thing about the night shift was the lack of traffic back to the suburbs, but the trip felt like it would never end this night. He finally saw his exit and pulled off the interstate.

As the car slowed, Abby sensed the change. She was in a vehicle in motion, and tried to remember what was happening to her. She opened her eyes slowly, and saw the tops of buildings sliding past her line of sight. Her intake of breath was quiet, but John was hyper-aware of any sound or movement from the back seat, "Abby?"

"Please, I just want to go home… I won't tell anybody." They were still moving, she was still in the SUV, the hospital must have been a dream, and she was about to die.

Carter was confused, but sensed the fear in Abby's voice. He slowed, and pulled over to the side of the road. He got out of the jeep and moved around to the passenger side door.

Abby felt the weigh shift as her captor got out of the SUV. _'This is it.'_ She thought. She realized how insanely true it was that you never regret the things you've done, but you do regret the things you never did. She never spoke to John to apologize for not being there for him when his grandmother died, she could have helped her brother more, she hadn't—the door opened quickly, "No, please don't, don't shoot me." She begged with her eyes closed, waiting for him to grab her and drag her from the vehicle again. His touch was insanely gentle, breading a new fear, "Don't touch me." She whispered quietly trying to get away from his touch. She was certain now he was going to rape her and then shoot her.

Carter was at a lost for what had initiated the current flashback. He assumed she was having a nightmare. When she pulled away from him, he assumed that she was still caught in her dream. He moved to get into the backseat.

_'He's getting in here,'_ she was close to having a full blown panic attack now. Her breathing was labored.

Carter gently pulled Abby into his arms, "Abby, calm down, you're safe. Breath."

She heard his voice but did not want to believe it was John. 'It's just a dream. You're dreaming again. John can't be here.' She was so confused. Why wasn't she dead, or worse?

"Open your eyes, look at me, it's John." He slowly turned her head so she could see his face once she opened her eyes. She wasn't listening to him though. Her panic attack was becoming dangerous, and he had no other choice. As much as he hated to do it, he placed slight pressure on her swollen wrist, hoping the pain would snap her out of her flashback.

She moaned as the dull ache she was feeling turned to a sharp pain. _'Stress fracture'_, she thought. The pain was real, and it felt like a stress fracture. It was possible that she hadn't dreamt her freedom. It was possible that she really was in John's arms, and not Loose's. She opened her eyes and gasped in relief. Not only was it physical relief as the much needed air filled her lungs, it was a mental relief to see John's concerned eyes looking into hers. "John?"

He nodded, "I'm here, you're safe." It was becoming a mantra. His plan was to remind her often that she was safe both verbally and through physical contact. "I'm sorry I had to hurt you."

At first she was confused, he hadn't hurt her, and then she realized he was gently rubbing her wrist, and put the pieces together. He snapped her back to reality. She collapsed in to his arms, still out of breath. "When I woke up, I thought… I thought I was still in the SUV, and that I had dreamt everything that happened at the hospital." The fear was disappearing the more she reminded herself John was protecting her with his embrace. "After CJ died, they pushed me into the back seat, and made me lay down…" It felt good to talk about it, but she didn't want to unload it all on Carter. Once again she reminded herself that they both had their own lives, and he wasn't going to be there every time she needed him.

He sensed the hesitation, "Go on, Abby, you'll feel better once you start to talk about it. I'll be here for you as long as you need me." He would always know her better than he knew himself. He knew what she was thinking, and at this moment in time he was willing to forget everything else to be there for her.

Inhaling deeply she continued, "They said they had business to do, but they didn't have a shovel… I was sure they meant to kill me; they just needed to find the right place to dump my body… I waited in the backseat while they drove around. When I woke up, I thought I was still in the SUV. I thought you were Loose…"

Carter was beginning to hate the sound of her captor's names. The more she talked, and the more he realized just how scared she had been for such a prolonged period made him angry. He was angry at himself for not looking for her, at Susan for driving her out into the ambulance bay, and at the gang war that started the whole episode.

She sensed him becoming tense and was sure she had shared too much. He was getting uncomfortable. She tried to push away from him, but cried out in pain. "Sorry, I… you can just take me home. I'll be ok."

"Abby, please don't so this," he spoke, the anger still lingered mixed with frustration. He stopped himself before he scared her. "Abby, I'm not mad at you, I'm angry about the situation and the men that took you."

"Boys," she corrected.

"What?"

"Boys, they were just kids." She was being stupid. She was misreading everything, and was over emotional. "I don't know what my problem is, they didn't hurt me. They were just kids."

He gently squeezed her, trying to get her attention, "Shhh, let me help you. You have every right to feel afraid, your life was threatened, they had a gun and obviously were not afraid to use it. You'll need help tonight dealing with your injuries…" he paused. There was so much more to it than that, "…and I need to know you're safe."

His words touched her, and she let me sink in. She was too exhausted to argue, and in truth wanted nothing more than to feel protected and secure. She nodded her agreement, "Can I move to the front seat?"

"I think we can do that," he smiled down at her. "We're only about five minutes from home. Do you want me to call ahead and have anything made for you to eat or drink?"

Shaking her head, Abby moved awkwardly as she tried to get out of the seat without leaning on her arms. Carter watched her struggle, and finally grabbed her around the waste and lifted her out with ease. Once he had her settled in the passenger seat he buckled her in and closed the door.

Abby watch him run to the driver side. She decided to just let him take care of her that night. She didn't have the energy to worry about what the following days would hold for her. Tonight he was there for her, and she was very thankful.

Once he settled into the driver's seat, he put the jeep into drive and continued on down the road. Before they got far, he took her hand in his and rubbed comforting circles with his thumb over the back of her hand. Abby leaned her forehead against her window and let herself relax.

They soon were pulling through the security gates of the Carter Family mansion. It was always an impressive sight, but Abby was more occupied on the thought of sleep. Only once the jeep was parked in the circle drive did John release her hand. He got out and met her as she tried to open the door. "Please, let me help you."

She nodded her consent, as he helped her through the doors and up the stairs to the guest quarters. She sat heavily on the bed, and he looked her over with concern. "I'll be right back."

She took the brief moment of solitude to take in the fact that she was safe, and in the protection of the man she once trusted more than anyone in the world. He was being so kind to her, she felt like no time had past between them. Somehow she needed to get through with this without letting her love for him become confused.

He returned with a pair of his pajama pants. She looked down at her scrub pants, and saw the dried blood. She sprung to her feet, almost loosing her balance, "Carter I'm sorry. Did I get any bl—anything on the bed?"

"Don't worry about any of it. I just wanted to help you get ready for bed." He was unsure of how to proceed. Based on her reactions at the hospital, he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

She looked down and tried to undo the tie, but her hands were shaking too badly. She sighed in frustration and brought her hand up to brush her hair out of her face. "This is so stupid," she whispered.

Carter moved closer, holding his hands out, "Can I help you?"

She was ready to cry now out of frustration. "Please." She closed her eyes and let him loosen her pants. They fell to the ground and he gently helped her sit back down on the bed. Once the soiled uniform was pushed aside he put the new pants on her legs, and helped her to stand again. While he pulled them up, she thought how oddly romantic the situation was. He was standing so close to her she could smell his aftershave that had been applied many hours before. She leaned against him, and he instantly wrapped his arms around her. He rocked her back and forth, rubbing comforting circles on her back.

Pulling back slightly, she was unsure how to approach the subject that she needed to deal with. "John, can you… would you be willing to…"

"You want me to sleep in here tonight?" He was relieved she had tried to ask him. He wanted to stay with her to watch over her for the night, but didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"If that's ok, I just want to… I don't know how the night is going to go…" He was being so good; she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.

He kissed her forehead, "I wasn't going anywhere." He led her to the bed, and helped her get under the covers. He sat on top the covers against the headboard, and wrapped his arms around her.

Abby relaxed in his arms, allowing the exhaustion to finally overtake her.

TBC…


	5. Part V

Now, I may be a closet Carby… but I'm trying to stay true to the show, and in canon. So to not string along the Carby's or infuriate the non-Carby's I offer this disclaimer: I think John and Abby will always still love each other, but until the show puts them back together I won't be doing so in this story.

A/N: I can't remember the name of the Carter family maid, and tried to find the info to no avail. Sorry if this bugs anyone… but we'll call her Mary.

Part V

Carter was content to hold Abby close and watch her sleep. It had only been five hours since she reappeared in the ER; she had been gone for four. He still had no idea what had happened in those four hours. She'd shared bits and pieces, he knew she was in an SUV, but he also knew there was so much more to the story. How many people had she been forced to treat? Where did they take her? His imagination was running wild as he pictured her trapped in some house, surrounded by gang members, being forced to do whatever they asked. He shook his head, trying to remove the images. He needed to hear from her what actually happened to remove the horror of the unknown for him.

She started to move, and looking down, he could tell she was trapped in a nightmare. She wasn't struggling, but the tears were silently sliding down her cheek. Not knowing the full story, he was still learning very quickly that the terror she had faced was not physical. She had very little opportunity to fight back, and had been ruled by fear. Her nightmares were proving that the more he watched her. He began rubbing his hand up and down her arm; try to remind her he was there. He whispered, "Abby, it's over. It's John, I've got you, and you're safe."

'_It's John?' Abby thought. 'No, why is he here?' She was in the back of the SUV trying to help CJ when they hit something. Little C got out and moved to the front to study the figure on the ground. Abby looked out the window, and realized it was John. Loose had a gun, and quickly shot him. The sound made her jump._

Abby jumped and her eyes shot open. Carter was unprepared for the suddenness of her actions. There was a new fear in her eyes. "Abby, are you ok?" She wasn't focusing on anything. "Abby, talk to me, are you ok?"

His voice finally penetrated her post nightmare haze. She looked up at his face, he was safe, it wasn't him in the middle of the road; it was a cat. She reminded herself of what really happened, and relaxed.

John sensed the change, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, 'Talk about it? She never wanted to think about that dream again.'

He was frustrated, he wanted to help her, but had no idea how. "Can I get you anything?"

Abby thought, "Coffee."

"That won't help you sleep," he commented.

Abby looked up at him, "That's the point." She didn't want an argument and changed the subject quickly, "Can you help me up?"

The last thing he wanted was to argue with her, and he wanted to get her talking so he agreed. Helping her sit up, she was able to swing her legs around. He walked around to her side of the bed. Bending down he supported her at the waist and helped her stand.

"Once we're downstairs can we maybe talk about why I can't use my arms. I mean, I know I have a stress fracture in my wrist, but…"

John nodded, "I brought your file home with me."

Once downstairs he helped her settle into the couch, he had strategically picked the one he could see from the kitchen door. He started searching through cupboards when he heard a voice behind him.

"Mr. Carter?" He turned and saw his maid smirking at him.

He closed the cupboard door he had opened, and hung his head, "Mary, if I wanted to make coffee…?"

She chuckled softly, "If you wanted to make coffee you would go out to one of those shops. If I wanted to make coffee, I would start by kicking you out."

He nodded, and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, "Thank you Mary." She had been more of a mom to him then his own mother, and now that his grandmother was gone she occupied a special place in his heart.

"Go take care of your friend." Mary knew Abby, she had spent several nights at the mansion when they were together, but John never really talked about what had happened between them. She could tell that something had happened to the young brunette, and Mary was glad that John was taking care of her.

John almost ran back to Abby, making her smile, "I wasn't going to escape."

John smiled back, "Mary's making coffee."

"That's a relief, I wasn't ever sure you knew where the coffee was." It felt good to Abby to be sitting in the Carter family living room. They had spent many relaxing evenings there together. She even enjoyed Millicent's company from time to time. The thought of Carter's grandmother reminded her of the regret she had felt when she thought she was about to die, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." She blurted out.

Carter was confused. "Mary's got it covered," he joked.

She couldn't help but let a laugh slip out, but then she turned serious again, "No, when your grandma died… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Abby, that's ancient history. You don't need to worry about it." He had no idea why she was bringing the topic up.

"They always say you never regret the things you've done, just the things you didn't do… When I was in the backseat… certain they were about to shoot me… that's what I regretted…. Not being there for you." She was near tears now.

Carter leaned in to hug her gently, there was so much left unsaid between the two of them. "It's ok, Abby, I understand. Your brother needed you."

She pulled away, "Yeah but so did you. You had been there for me through so much. You traveled through a blizzard to come to Nebraska to be with me, you left your vacation for me… you were always there… and when you needed me, I wasn't… I'm sorry, I'm really very sorry."

He hugged her again, touched by her concern. "It's ok Abby, I'm ok. I was never mad at you… just hurt." He wanted to be honest. "But I still love, I always will."

When she heard that she hurt him, that was really more painful then thinking he was mad at her. She would always love him too, no matter where their lives took them. "I love you to." She whispered.

It felt so good for him to hear those words. Even if their romantic relationship was over, he was grateful for her friendship. It had been awkward since he got back from Africa, a lot had happened, and to be honest he had been a jerk. "I'm sorry it ended the way it did."

A voice interrupted the conversation, "Here we go." Mary walked in with the coffee, but hesitated, "Oh dear, I'm sorry. I just barged right in here." She could sense the conversation they were having was intense.

Abby was relieved for the distraction. Neither one of them was ready for where the conversation was headed. "Mary, don't worry, I'm a little emotional right now." She confessed and stole a glance at Carter. He squeezed her knee to encourage her. "It's good to see you again Mary, and it was good to hear that you were making the coffee and not John."

Mary offered a knowing smile, and set the tray down in front of the two. She patted Abby on the head on her way past them, "It's good to see you again dear." With that she slipped off to her room, leaving the door opened slightly to hear of they needed anything. God forbid John try to cook for them.

TBC…


End file.
